30 SECOND PRESENT MOMENT EXERCISE

OUR FOUR CAR TRAIN   Think about this. When you feel stress in one part of you, you will have stress in all parts of you.  Imagine a small train of four cars chugging along. You are that train. The train cars are the reactions of your body, emotions, thoughts, and desires.

If one “car”—one reaction—gets stressed and negative or “jumps the track,” the other three will follow. For example, when you feel stress in your body, check your emotions, thoughts, and desires. I promise you they will be stressed and negative, too.

Do you want a simple, but effective way to keep yourself "on track?" The secret rests with how well you self-monitor and manage those four reactions: body (stress), emotions, thoughts, desires.

Consider this 30 second exercise that reminds you to stay aware of your present moment reactions and relax. Doing this exercise thorough out the day can help you manage your four “cars” well and get back on track if necessary.

SOME EXAMPLES      You're at a business meeting and you remember to be present and relax, so you take 30 seconds to scan your body,discovering that your jaw is tight and your mind is racing because soon it will be your turn to speak.. so you take three deep breaths and relax your jaw, neck, and shoulders. In this case, you manage your body to get all your "cars" back on track

Or, it is breakfast time. You are eating your toast and feeling anxious about your teenager who broke curfew last night. Right then you are reminded to come back to the present moment. So you stop, label your emotions (fear and anger) and spend the next 30 seconds breathing and relaxing your body. In this example, instead of going off the track with anxiety and anger, you interrupt your negative emotions, let go of them, and shift to a more productive way of handling the situation.

- While talking to a friend, you remind yourself to take some slow breaths, quiet your mind, and stop your thoughts about the time you have to get back home. Instead, you're prompted to just listen to him/her. What do you think will happen? What do you think will change within and outside yourself? For sure, you will be more intimate and available with this friend.

--Your partner is criticizing you. You want to get away and avoid an argument at any cost. Instead, you take some deep breaths and remind yourself to speak the truth with kindness. Your desire to resolve the problem is greater than your need to be right. Quietly you ask him or her to listen to your side of the story.
   
IT’S NOT ALWAYS EASY TO DO      It is probably hard to do this 30-second exercise every minute of the day; however, doing it every hour may not be farfetched. Is this too much? Can you take 30 seconds to scan yourself and bring your mind back to the moment you are presently living and experiencing?

It is true that sometimes things come at us so fast and furious they cannot be easily managed. However, we have nothing to lose and everything to gain if we train ourselves to manage our body, emotions, thoughts, and desires well.

SOME TIPS     Here are some tips to help you get the best out of every 30-second exercise:

- Body: Pay attention to your posture. If there is tension somewhere, use slow deep breaths to manage them.

- Emotions: Identify if you are angry, sad, frustrated, happy,stressed, etc. Research shows that simply labeling an emotion takes away some of its power.

- Thoughts: Recognize that you are stewing, rehashing, or making up hurtful ideas and pictures in your mind. Are you dwelling in the past or lost in the future? Use this as a cue to look for possibilities options, and strengths instead.

- Will/Desires: Where are you? Are you trying inappropriately to avoid or control a person, thing, or problem?

Here's a hint. Look for the truth of the situation with compassion for yourself and others. Truth and compassion will always make things better in the long-run.

After checking these 4 things--body, emotion, thoughts, and desires--take a deep breath. You're done. The good news is that if you can be present and more relaxed in one area, the other three will get back on track, also.

YOUR CHOICE      No one can force you to do this exercise; there is no sense in that. You must set an intention to do it for a day, every hour of that day, to see what happens... believe me, it is worth it!

In her book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method available on www.amazon.com, Dr. Beth Cujé, therapist gives you more information about the four steps and equips you with tools to take the steps anytime, anywhere. Try this website www.choicecube.com to learn more about what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you.

Tips To Get You Out Of Feeling Stuck

WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
Are you feeling depressed, anxious, angry, or in conflict? This is a normal part of life. Getting stuck feeling this way is the problem.

THE PROBLEM IS:
We get stuck when our focus is off and we keep repeating painful or damaging thoughts, feelings, desires, and behaviors that hurt us and others. Life can feel overwhelming when we try, but fail to avoid or control things that keep coming back to haunt us. We often feel paralyzed when we are in conflict and uncertain about our next move. Or we jump the track and act crazy. To get relief, we shut down and simply repeat hurtful old thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Or we blindly make unhelpful new choices. We are stuck and that’s the problem.

WHY DO WE GET STUCK THIS WAY?
We get stuck because our powerful subconscious mind takes over and our thinking becomes lopsided. We cannot see the whole truth of the situation—the big picture. And we lack hope and compassion for ourselves and others. Our subconscious mind stirs up instincts and habits that force us to see ourselves, others, and the world in painful, but familiar ways. And often we don't even realize how mean and ugly our focus is; or how hurt and angry our focus makes us feel. We get stuck on auto-pilot and our subconscious mind, not our conscious mind, is running our show.

2 KEYS TO FREEDOM
We can find freedom if we stay conscious and know how to get off auto-pilot. Here are two keys to help us. The first key is to stay aware of where we focus, what we feel, and how we react. The second key is take responsibility for our part in the problem and to look for the truth of the situation. Using these two keys creates choice. And freedom to choose is the first step toward the change we desire. It's all about turning off the auto-pilot and taking full command.

WE CAN CONTROL OUR FOCUS
Our creative, problem-solving conscious mind can control the reactions of our body, emotions, thoughts, pictures in our mind, desires, and behaviors. When we stay in our conscious mind--aware, responsible, and off auto-pilot--we can always find more appropriate ways of responding to life. Instead of falling back on old hurtful habits and ways of doing things, we can do something different and helpful.

THERE'S THE PROBLEM AGAIN
But there's that problem again. It's so easy to lose our focus, go on auto-pilot and get stuck. Without a constant effort to stay aware and responsible, our sub-conscious takes over, controls us, and we repeat the same old things one more time. We can get terribly stuck!

THIS SELF-HELP BOOK AND CHOICE-CUBE METHOD CAN HELP
The self-help book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method, by Dr. Beth Cujé can help guide you to greater awareness and freedom. You can begin to understand yourself and why you do the things you do the things you do. You can learn to have choice and change. The method will give you:
• A mental framework to help you self-monitor and stay aware
• Simple tools to give you choice and help you change
• Four steps guide your change and help you get free

STUCK IN A RUT? STEP INTO THE LIGHT!

[gallery]LISA’S STORY Have you ever thought about what might be engraved on your tombstone when you die? Lisa is absolutely certain her engraving will read: Here lies a woman who never had any time for anything. That’s exactly what she says. All the time.

Lisa wants to go back to college and get her degree, but with a husband and two kids to take care of, she doesn’t have time to study. She wants to go to the gym, or perhaps go to yoga classes, but she doesn’t have time for that, either. She doesn’t have time to get together with girlfriends, doesn’t remember when was the last time she went to the hair salon - and shopping? Whenever she does head for the department store it’s strictly the Children’s Clothing or Housewares Department for her. She doesn’t have time to do anything for her – just her.

Lisa loves her family, so she feels guilty for feeling less than satisfied with her life. But she’s also frustrated, sad, and even despairs sometimes that all she’ll ever do for the rest of her life is care for her family.

STUCK IN A RUT Lisa is absolutely and unequivocally stuck. Stuck in a rut a lot of women get stuck in and find it hard to get out of. And what do we do? Do we go on with our daily chores and tasks and continue complaining OR do we try to change something?

Sadly, most of us remain stuck. And dissatisfied with the life we live. What does it take to get unstuck? Is it really that hard?

HERE’S SOME HELP In my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, I explain the difference between being in the shadow and being in the light. When we are in the shadow, we rely on inappropriate reactions, habits and behaviors to deal with our issues. In Lisa’s case, she’s often moody, irritated, and blames her family as much as she blames herself for not being able to pursue her dreams. She feels helpless and wallows in self-pity.

On the other hand, when we are in the light, we resort to healthier habits and reactions. We feel things like gratitude, self-awareness, and acceptance. We don’t assign blame, but rather seek change.

CHANGE OUR MIND – CHANGE OUR DESTINY Our state of mind (whether it is negative-shadow or positive-light) controls each moment of our life. And our moments add up to create our destiny. The good news is that we can learn (or train ourselves) to be mindful, and recognize each state of mind and change it if it is shadow so that we can confidently step into the light. This process is as physical (we must manage stress and also rewire our brain) as it is psychological!

You can find out more in my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be. Here’s your chance to download its first chapter for FREE. Just click here and get an idea of what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you. You can retrain yourself, change and grow, and engage life more fully.

I HATE YOU – I LOVE YOU: A MATTER OF FOCUS

I HATE YOU – I LOVE YOU: A MATTER OF FOCUS

THE SITUATION“Tim makes me so mad. I hate him!” Sara, a new client, was yelling at me. Truth be told, Tim does not make Sara angry. He triggers her rage, but Sara is making herself furious.

HOW IT WORKS
It works like this. Sara’s focus on Tim’s current behavior pulls up certain thoughts, memories, and pictures in her mind. These create the meanings she attaches to Tim. At this moment, she sees him as mean and unreasonable. The meanings she attaches then cause the emotion (anger) that Sara is feeling.

But let’s suppose Tim makes Sara laugh and hands her a small gift. Her focus will still be on Tim, but the meaning she attaches to him will change. I’m pretty sure her emotion will change from hate to something more positive, hopefully love.

Note: Our focus causes the meaning we attach to a person, thing, or situation and this causes the emotions we feel.

WHAT ARE WE TO DO?      Our challenge is to stay aware of our reactions and take full responsibility for them. It’s true that others trigger emotions in us. But how we process that flow of energy and information depends on us. Moreover, we mustn’t forget that in most cases we repeat these useless reactions over and over again. We get stuck in this habitual way of reacting, and it’s up to us to train ourselves to get unstuck.

BAD NEWS - GOOD NEWS     If we refuse to take responsibility and insist that others are making us feel a certain way, we give away our power to change ourselves. We are at others’ mercy until they make us feel different. In contrast, if we take responsibility for our reactions, we can choose to do something about them. If we acknowledge them, and our responsibility in them, we are better prepared to resolve the issues and situations that cause them.

THIS MIGHT HELP   If you struggle with taking responsibility for your reactions, do not despair, the tools and four steps of the Choice-Cube Method found in the book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, can teach you how to train yourself to take responsibility for your reactions and change them.

A LITTLE SECRET     Here’s a secret. Forgiving is often necessary for us to change our focus. This means forgiving others and ourselves! Sometimes forgiving is possible only with help from God or our Higher Power. Connection to God or our Higher Power can often help us find the compassion and forgiveness we seek.

My book, Become the Person You Were to Be, gives you the chance to explore some of these ideas. Look inside the book at Amazon.com or download its first chapter for FREE. Just click here and get an idea of what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you