MIND YOUR FOCUS -- FOCUS YOUR MIND

IS LIFE A JOY OR A BURDEN? Life can feel like a joy or a burden.  It all depends on how quickly we shift from fear, anger, or depression back to joy, excitement, and hope.  Here’s some important news.  Feeling good or bad, depends on our focus.  IT ALL DEPENDS ON OUR FOCUS What exactly, you might ask, is “focus?” Focus is whatever we concentrate on—whatever fills our mind. A positive focus such as:  I enjoy my job. The kids are doing well. I have great friends. It’s rough now, but we’ll succeed.  will result in positive emotions. A negative focus such as:  Nobody cares about me. I’m stupid. It’s all her fault. Things will never get better.will fill us with negative emotions.

 First, we take full responsibility for what we think, feel, and do!   We don’t really change others.

We can only change ourselves. And if we focus on trying to change others, we usually fail to change them or ourselves. Finally, we wear ourselves out and give up.

HOW DO WE CHANGE OUR FOCUS?

Also, in difficult situations—ones we can’t change—we can still change how we look at them. Instead of focusing on the problem, we can focus on problem solving and gaining success. Note also the box above and that whatever we focus on, good or bad, often becomes a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” Second, consider the fact that our bodies give messages to our minds and emotions.  If I’m collapsed, shoulders dragging and mouth drooping, my body and face are telling my mind and emotions that I’m depressed. Or, if my boss irritates me and I’m tense, clenching my fists and breathing hard, I’m signaling my brain and emotions that I’m ready to fight. Let’s be smart. We can train ourselves to manage stress. Let's use our bodies and faces to send pep-up or slow-down messages to our brains and emotions instead of messages that will keep us stuck or out of control. Third, watch that inner critic! Our inner critic--the negative voice in our head---can also fill our mind with painful and limiting thoughts and pictures. For example, “I messed up again. I’m a loser.  I’ll never succeed.  What a failure I am. I’ll never be healthy. Life is meaningless. It’s hopeless.                                                                         *** NOW WHAT? Maybe we don’t want to take responsibility, change our body messages, or manage the inner critic. What then? Good question. It’s your call. Sometimes we need more pain before we are ready and willing to make these important changes. Indeed, sometimes, the pain of not changing must seem greater than the pain of changing or we won’t make the effort. But, maybe you’ve had enough pain and frustration. You’re ready to take responsibility; stay aware  and make some changes. If so, I have good news. You can find immediate relief, plus retrain your mind and rewire your brain for lasting changes. How? GIVE THE BOOK AND THE CHOICE-CUBE METHOD A TRY Take a look at Dr. Beth Blevins Cujé s self-help book Become the Person You Were Meant to Be – The Choice-Cube Method:  Step by Step to Choice and Change (available at www.amazon.com) The book and method equip you with and a mental framework, time-tested tools and four key steps. Learn how to use them to record over old unhealthy habits, and create new healthy ones. Reprogram yourself, get free, and become the person you were meant to be!

2 Hidden Fears and Losing Our Balance

FEAR IN THE MIX       When life seems unbalanced, look for fear somewhere in the mix.  “Fear?  Anxiety? What kinds of fear are you talking about?” you might ask.

THREE COMMON FEARS    Let’s start with three of the most obvious fears we face every day: fear of confronting someone, fear of making the wrong choice, and fear making a big change in our life. We do not want the pain and trouble that might come from taking these actions. But is that all there is to it?

HIDDEN FEARS       No indeed. Underneath these fears lie deeper, often hidden fears. First we fear being rejected, or abandoned by people that matter to us, or people in general. It does not matter how old or experienced we are, we all have this fear and we need to deal with it. By the way, being rejected includes having people make fun of us.

Second, it’s true that sometimes others reject and abandon us. But sometimes we reject and abandon ourselves! Then we end up feeling inadequate and worthless.

HIDDEN FEARS CAN HURT US     Whether we realize it or not, we all live with these two fears: the fear that others will abandon or reject us and the fear of feeling inadequate or worthless because we reject ourselves. These fears can get us in trouble and keep us from becoming who were meant to be.

On the one hand for example, to avoid feeling these fears, some of us drink too much, are TV addicts, are workaholics, or have dangerous sex. On the other hand, some of us want to control these feelings so we try harder and  harder to fix things, but nothing changes. Perhaps we use anger to control others or a situation. Or we try to figure things out and get stuck on a mental merry-go-round. We do not find the right answer but we can’t stop thinking about the problem.

GOOD NEWS!     The good news is that we can expose and overcome these fears and the harmful behaviors they cause. There  is a way to do it and it is always the same!

THE FOUR STEPS       First, we need to recognize we are off balance and expose the fear that is making us lopsided. Then we can interrupt and let go of that fear and other emotions that lock in the distorted and painful thinking driving it

Once we do this it’s easier, and feels safer, to face our wrong thinking. We can also risk opening our minds to other ways of thinking and feeling that were not on our radar before. So we begin to see possible solutions and choices that we did not see before. This gives us choice. And when we have choice—when we see the big picture--we can choose where we prefer to focus (refocus). This is important because whatever we focus on will get us more of the same! Now, do we continue to focus on the problem or can we focus on the solution to the problem?

Freedom to focus on the solution liberates us to take action. We can do something to replace the problem and bring about the solution (replace/act).

THE FOUR KEY STEPS AND OUR BRAIN    Here is more good news. If we  take the four key steps mentioned above, we do something different.

   1. Recognize

    2. Interrupt/Let go

    3. Refocus

    4. Replace/act

We stop struggling to avoid or control problems inappropriately. We become problem-solvers instead of anxious or angry defensive self-protectors. Even better, we rewire our brains ! Now, the next time we are off balance, we are more likely to take the four steps and problem-solve when faced with difficulties.      

If you  feel confused or not ready to make these four steps part of your life, here's a resource for you. In her book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method, available on www.amazon.com, Dr. Beth Cujé, therapist gives you more information about the four steps and equips you with  tools to take the steps anytime, anywhere.

Also, here’s a chance to download the book’s first chapter for FREE. Just click here to learn more and find out what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you.

THE BEST WAY TO BE HONEST

Being Truthful Can Be Cruel      Being truthful can be cruel if the truth you are telling is not communicated with compassion. 

There is a saying that goes something like this: “If something is the truth, is necessary, but is mean… don’t say it”. 

Honesty and Compassion    Even though you feel you’ve got to let it rip, remember the best way to be honest is with compassion. Both flourish when there is balance, but one without the other can be destructive, even dangerous. 

This blend of honesty and compassion doesn’t come cheap. The price is self awareness and a certain self-transparency. Of course, no one can demand this of you. You alone decide just how much you want, and are able, to share about yourself or what you think of others. 

Transparency     You won’t achieve transparency in your relationships by leaving the other person “naked”. You have to risk getting “naked” yourself. Can you get out of defense mode and stop protecting yourself at all costs? Do you know and can you show both your strengths and weaknesses? 

You become transparent when you find your healthy real self, and this takes courage. Your false selves, “people pleaser,” “tough guy,” “martyr” to name a few, may have run your life for years. Exposing these false selves and leaving them behind is not for sissies, but necessary in order to find the best of who you are. 

Hope But No Expectations     However, even if you have courage and can risk being transparent, do not expect the same in return; not everyone is ready to be real. If you are reading this, you probably are one of the blessed ones who are ready to change their lives. 

So act from the best of who you are. Demand nothing but hope for the best. Your gift of honesty, compassion, and transparency may influence your friend, partner, sister, brother, mom, or dad… it may “hit” them in the right spot, and encourage them on their journey to their healthy real self. 

And we all do have a healthy real self. It may be underdeveloped or hidden, but that’s part of the challenge. When we learn to be honest with compassion for ourselves and others, we invest in that healthy part of us--the best of who we are and step by step we uncover our the person we were meant to be. 

Dr. Beth Cujé, therapist and author of the book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, gives you the chance to explore some of these ideas. Look inside the book at www.amazon.com or download its first chapter for FREE. Just click hereand get an idea of what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you.

Are You Conscious Of Your Subconscious?

PERCEPTION FILTERS – THE MEANINGS WE ATTACH
Cells within your body respond to your thoughts, specifically interpretive thoughts, i.e. the kind that explain to your subconscious mind how you see the world at a given point in time.

Let’s say you encounter a lion… when this happens you automatically go into survival mode…unless you are a lion tamer. In this case, unlike most people, you will have completely different beliefs about how to relate to a lion.

Based on your past experiences and the meanings you attach to the lion, you will be able to interact with the animal without activating your survival mode. Your beliefs will let your body and mind remain calm–in the brain’s “learning mode.”

Interpretive thoughts are beliefs. These thoughts or beliefs act as perception filters in your subconscious mind. They influence activation of certain processes within you as well as management of all your body’s systems. Your perceptions offer all the information your subconscious needs to operate and do the following:

- Guarantee your basic survival.

- Remind you of the emotional drives that connect you in a meaningful way to life.

THE JUDGE AND THE ROBOT

 Now, here are two key points. First, your conscious mind is like a judge and your subconscious mind is like a robot. The judge can rule over your subconscious mind…that is as long as you stay aware and mindful.

Your subconscious, a genius at multi-tasking, is designed to process huge amounts of information every second, while your conscious mind processes a much smaller amount at any given time. Therefore unless you know how to stay conscious of your subconscious, whenever you are distracted or overwhelmed, your subconscious will override your conscious mind and run your life.

Jack can stay out of bars as long as he makes a conscious effort to do so. But let him get too tired or angry, he automatically heads for the bar where he feels comfortable and happy.

Second, believe it or not, your subconscious cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is not real. So what you believe to be true becomes the truth for you. And you will express it in your body, emotions, mind, and behavior.

Annie is a beautiful girl, but she grew up thinking she was a “plain Jane,” She automatically dismisses complements and slouches around feeling ugly and unwanted.

HERE’S HOW IT WORKS

• You have an experience.
•  You automatically attach meanings-perception filters-to the people, things, or problems related to that experience.
•  These filters produce mind images that trigger emotions and physical sensations in your body.

Experience  >   Meaning Attached   >   Emotion(s)

It’s a tidy little package in which what you focus on causes your subconscious mind to bring up meanings that you attach to a person, thing, or problem. These meanings then set off emotions and physical sensations within your body that release hormones into your blood, affecting the chemical firing of neurons in your brain that lead to the same thoughts, emotions, and behavior and reinforce the whole cycle.

IT MAKES SENSE TO STAY CONSCIOUS OF YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS
Since your brain is always set to either a negative way of perceiving---a negative perception filter---or to a positive way of perceiving, it’s a good idea to become conscious of your subconscious. Awareness gives you some choice.

Dr. Beth Cuje, therapist and author of the book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, gives you the chance to explore some of these ideas. Look inside the book at

Amazon.com

or download its first chapter for FREE. Just

click here

and get an idea of what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you.

OVERWHELM: WHY GET RID OF IT RIGHT AWAY

In today’s world, you can’t waste a minute. Being efficient and fast are decisive factors in success. However, the stress of our drive to be successful, to thrive, to accomplish goals can accumulate in our bodies and minds until one day, “out of nowhere”, we start feeling overwhelmed. Slowly, but steadily, life’s demands can render us incapable of controlling its stressful consequences on our bodies and quality of life.

SOME SIDE-EFFECTS OF OVERWHELM Email, the phone, the news, advertisements, our jobs, politics, environmental issues, religion, and the Internet, among many others, overload our minds with information. This constant flow of information can confuse us, make us lose focus, and put us out of control.
A few side-effects of overwhelm are:

- “Over-care,” which is the feeling that it is your duty
to take care of everyone because no one else will or can.

- “Blind Ambition” to the point of wearing yourself out.

- “Performance anxiety”; you are afraid that if you don’t
do more you will be fired.

Millions of people today live at the mercy of overwhelm: day after day they worry about how they can juggle everything they have to do. They just keep going because they “have to”, because there is no way out. They finally reach a point where they are incapable of seeing that life can be different.

Then one day… your mind fills up with everything you have to deal with, crashing your nervous, immune, and hormonal systems. Chronic overwhelm settles within, and along come the anxiety disorders. If you do not take care of this, you will start experiencing phases of anxiety, fatigue, and anguish. This will make you more vulnerable to disease and, you will not only look older, but your organism will actually age much faster.

PROJECT ANXIETY A trap many fall into nowadays is “project anxiety”, i.e. when you put in a lot of mental energy into a project and, without being aware of it, lots of emotional energy too.

This great amount of energy can cause tunnel vision, blocking your ability to see and appreciate other important aspects of your life. When anything or anyone gets in the way of such a vision, you can get highly irritated, anxious, and frustrated; you may push people away, disregard everything else in your life, and keep on going until overwhelm invades you, creating an emotional chaos.

Such overwhelm will acutely damage your relationships, quality of life, and of course, the project that made you reject everything and everyone else.

STIMULATION OVERLOAD But there’s more! There’s also what is called “stimulation overload”. We see this in people of all ages who incessantly look for different kinds of stimulation like: food, sodas, coffee, the Internet, shopping, movies, TV, and video games. The “devil” out there knows exactly what buttons to push to keep you addicted.

So, how can you identify if you are falling into this overwhelm inferno?

Well… here are some hints:

- If you are always in a rush, have too much to do, or
not enough time.

- If your mind is scattered and you feel out of control.

- If you feel irritated when anyone or anything breaks
into your focus.

- If you regularly feel knots in your stomach, something
that bothers you.

- If you feel impatient, lack compassion for yourself
and others, and are judgmental.

- If you feel a constant slow burn inside.

- If you feel low-grade shock and strain.

- If you don’t feel anything, positive or negative;
if you are paralyzed mentally or emotionally.

- If you feel disconnected from life.

- If you don’t enjoy projects, relationships, or
life in general.

REFUSE TO ABANDON YOURSELF Your insides can tell you, if you let them, when enough is enough. If you refuse to abandon yourself and you pay attention to your body, emotions, and thoughts, you will get signals that it is time to stop and re-focus. If you don’t listen, there’s the danger of ending up in an “overwhelm” nightmare.

Dr. Beth Cujé, therapist and author discusses these issues and more in her book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be. She’s offering you the chance to download its first chapter for FREE. Just click here and get an idea of what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you.