30 SECOND PRESENT MOMENT EXERCISE

OUR FOUR CAR TRAIN   Think about this. When you feel stress in one part of you, you will have stress in all parts of you.  Imagine a small train of four cars chugging along. You are that train. The train cars are the reactions of your body, emotions, thoughts, and desires.

If one “car”—one reaction—gets stressed and negative or “jumps the track,” the other three will follow. For example, when you feel stress in your body, check your emotions, thoughts, and desires. I promise you they will be stressed and negative, too.

Do you want a simple, but effective way to keep yourself "on track?" The secret rests with how well you self-monitor and manage those four reactions: body (stress), emotions, thoughts, desires.

Consider this 30 second exercise that reminds you to stay aware of your present moment reactions and relax. Doing this exercise thorough out the day can help you manage your four “cars” well and get back on track if necessary.

SOME EXAMPLES      You're at a business meeting and you remember to be present and relax, so you take 30 seconds to scan your body,discovering that your jaw is tight and your mind is racing because soon it will be your turn to speak.. so you take three deep breaths and relax your jaw, neck, and shoulders. In this case, you manage your body to get all your "cars" back on track

Or, it is breakfast time. You are eating your toast and feeling anxious about your teenager who broke curfew last night. Right then you are reminded to come back to the present moment. So you stop, label your emotions (fear and anger) and spend the next 30 seconds breathing and relaxing your body. In this example, instead of going off the track with anxiety and anger, you interrupt your negative emotions, let go of them, and shift to a more productive way of handling the situation.

- While talking to a friend, you remind yourself to take some slow breaths, quiet your mind, and stop your thoughts about the time you have to get back home. Instead, you're prompted to just listen to him/her. What do you think will happen? What do you think will change within and outside yourself? For sure, you will be more intimate and available with this friend.

--Your partner is criticizing you. You want to get away and avoid an argument at any cost. Instead, you take some deep breaths and remind yourself to speak the truth with kindness. Your desire to resolve the problem is greater than your need to be right. Quietly you ask him or her to listen to your side of the story.
   
IT’S NOT ALWAYS EASY TO DO      It is probably hard to do this 30-second exercise every minute of the day; however, doing it every hour may not be farfetched. Is this too much? Can you take 30 seconds to scan yourself and bring your mind back to the moment you are presently living and experiencing?

It is true that sometimes things come at us so fast and furious they cannot be easily managed. However, we have nothing to lose and everything to gain if we train ourselves to manage our body, emotions, thoughts, and desires well.

SOME TIPS     Here are some tips to help you get the best out of every 30-second exercise:

- Body: Pay attention to your posture. If there is tension somewhere, use slow deep breaths to manage them.

- Emotions: Identify if you are angry, sad, frustrated, happy,stressed, etc. Research shows that simply labeling an emotion takes away some of its power.

- Thoughts: Recognize that you are stewing, rehashing, or making up hurtful ideas and pictures in your mind. Are you dwelling in the past or lost in the future? Use this as a cue to look for possibilities options, and strengths instead.

- Will/Desires: Where are you? Are you trying inappropriately to avoid or control a person, thing, or problem?

Here's a hint. Look for the truth of the situation with compassion for yourself and others. Truth and compassion will always make things better in the long-run.

After checking these 4 things--body, emotion, thoughts, and desires--take a deep breath. You're done. The good news is that if you can be present and more relaxed in one area, the other three will get back on track, also.

YOUR CHOICE      No one can force you to do this exercise; there is no sense in that. You must set an intention to do it for a day, every hour of that day, to see what happens... believe me, it is worth it!

In her book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method available on www.amazon.com, Dr. Beth Cujé, therapist gives you more information about the four steps and equips you with tools to take the steps anytime, anywhere. Try this website www.choicecube.com to learn more about what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you.

STUCK IN A RUT? STEP INTO THE LIGHT!

[gallery]LISA’S STORY Have you ever thought about what might be engraved on your tombstone when you die? Lisa is absolutely certain her engraving will read: Here lies a woman who never had any time for anything. That’s exactly what she says. All the time.

Lisa wants to go back to college and get her degree, but with a husband and two kids to take care of, she doesn’t have time to study. She wants to go to the gym, or perhaps go to yoga classes, but she doesn’t have time for that, either. She doesn’t have time to get together with girlfriends, doesn’t remember when was the last time she went to the hair salon - and shopping? Whenever she does head for the department store it’s strictly the Children’s Clothing or Housewares Department for her. She doesn’t have time to do anything for her – just her.

Lisa loves her family, so she feels guilty for feeling less than satisfied with her life. But she’s also frustrated, sad, and even despairs sometimes that all she’ll ever do for the rest of her life is care for her family.

STUCK IN A RUT Lisa is absolutely and unequivocally stuck. Stuck in a rut a lot of women get stuck in and find it hard to get out of. And what do we do? Do we go on with our daily chores and tasks and continue complaining OR do we try to change something?

Sadly, most of us remain stuck. And dissatisfied with the life we live. What does it take to get unstuck? Is it really that hard?

HERE’S SOME HELP In my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, I explain the difference between being in the shadow and being in the light. When we are in the shadow, we rely on inappropriate reactions, habits and behaviors to deal with our issues. In Lisa’s case, she’s often moody, irritated, and blames her family as much as she blames herself for not being able to pursue her dreams. She feels helpless and wallows in self-pity.

On the other hand, when we are in the light, we resort to healthier habits and reactions. We feel things like gratitude, self-awareness, and acceptance. We don’t assign blame, but rather seek change.

CHANGE OUR MIND – CHANGE OUR DESTINY Our state of mind (whether it is negative-shadow or positive-light) controls each moment of our life. And our moments add up to create our destiny. The good news is that we can learn (or train ourselves) to be mindful, and recognize each state of mind and change it if it is shadow so that we can confidently step into the light. This process is as physical (we must manage stress and also rewire our brain) as it is psychological!

You can find out more in my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be. Here’s your chance to download its first chapter for FREE. Just click here and get an idea of what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you. You can retrain yourself, change and grow, and engage life more fully.

MIND YOUR FOCUS -- FOCUS YOUR MIND

IS LIFE A JOY OR A BURDEN? Life can feel like a joy or a burden.  It all depends on how quickly we shift from fear, anger, or depression back to joy, excitement, and hope.  Here’s some important news.  Feeling good or bad, depends on our focus.  IT ALL DEPENDS ON OUR FOCUS What exactly, you might ask, is “focus?” Focus is whatever we concentrate on—whatever fills our mind. A positive focus such as:  I enjoy my job. The kids are doing well. I have great friends. It’s rough now, but we’ll succeed.  will result in positive emotions. A negative focus such as:  Nobody cares about me. I’m stupid. It’s all her fault. Things will never get better.will fill us with negative emotions.

 First, we take full responsibility for what we think, feel, and do!   We don’t really change others.

We can only change ourselves. And if we focus on trying to change others, we usually fail to change them or ourselves. Finally, we wear ourselves out and give up.

HOW DO WE CHANGE OUR FOCUS?

Also, in difficult situations—ones we can’t change—we can still change how we look at them. Instead of focusing on the problem, we can focus on problem solving and gaining success. Note also the box above and that whatever we focus on, good or bad, often becomes a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” Second, consider the fact that our bodies give messages to our minds and emotions.  If I’m collapsed, shoulders dragging and mouth drooping, my body and face are telling my mind and emotions that I’m depressed. Or, if my boss irritates me and I’m tense, clenching my fists and breathing hard, I’m signaling my brain and emotions that I’m ready to fight. Let’s be smart. We can train ourselves to manage stress. Let's use our bodies and faces to send pep-up or slow-down messages to our brains and emotions instead of messages that will keep us stuck or out of control. Third, watch that inner critic! Our inner critic--the negative voice in our head---can also fill our mind with painful and limiting thoughts and pictures. For example, “I messed up again. I’m a loser.  I’ll never succeed.  What a failure I am. I’ll never be healthy. Life is meaningless. It’s hopeless.                                                                         *** NOW WHAT? Maybe we don’t want to take responsibility, change our body messages, or manage the inner critic. What then? Good question. It’s your call. Sometimes we need more pain before we are ready and willing to make these important changes. Indeed, sometimes, the pain of not changing must seem greater than the pain of changing or we won’t make the effort. But, maybe you’ve had enough pain and frustration. You’re ready to take responsibility; stay aware  and make some changes. If so, I have good news. You can find immediate relief, plus retrain your mind and rewire your brain for lasting changes. How? GIVE THE BOOK AND THE CHOICE-CUBE METHOD A TRY Take a look at Dr. Beth Blevins Cujé s self-help book Become the Person You Were Meant to Be – The Choice-Cube Method:  Step by Step to Choice and Change (available at www.amazon.com) The book and method equip you with and a mental framework, time-tested tools and four key steps. Learn how to use them to record over old unhealthy habits, and create new healthy ones. Reprogram yourself, get free, and become the person you were meant to be!

2 Hidden Fears and Losing Our Balance

FEAR IN THE MIX       When life seems unbalanced, look for fear somewhere in the mix.  “Fear?  Anxiety? What kinds of fear are you talking about?” you might ask.

THREE COMMON FEARS    Let’s start with three of the most obvious fears we face every day: fear of confronting someone, fear of making the wrong choice, and fear making a big change in our life. We do not want the pain and trouble that might come from taking these actions. But is that all there is to it?

HIDDEN FEARS       No indeed. Underneath these fears lie deeper, often hidden fears. First we fear being rejected, or abandoned by people that matter to us, or people in general. It does not matter how old or experienced we are, we all have this fear and we need to deal with it. By the way, being rejected includes having people make fun of us.

Second, it’s true that sometimes others reject and abandon us. But sometimes we reject and abandon ourselves! Then we end up feeling inadequate and worthless.

HIDDEN FEARS CAN HURT US     Whether we realize it or not, we all live with these two fears: the fear that others will abandon or reject us and the fear of feeling inadequate or worthless because we reject ourselves. These fears can get us in trouble and keep us from becoming who were meant to be.

On the one hand for example, to avoid feeling these fears, some of us drink too much, are TV addicts, are workaholics, or have dangerous sex. On the other hand, some of us want to control these feelings so we try harder and  harder to fix things, but nothing changes. Perhaps we use anger to control others or a situation. Or we try to figure things out and get stuck on a mental merry-go-round. We do not find the right answer but we can’t stop thinking about the problem.

GOOD NEWS!     The good news is that we can expose and overcome these fears and the harmful behaviors they cause. There  is a way to do it and it is always the same!

THE FOUR STEPS       First, we need to recognize we are off balance and expose the fear that is making us lopsided. Then we can interrupt and let go of that fear and other emotions that lock in the distorted and painful thinking driving it

Once we do this it’s easier, and feels safer, to face our wrong thinking. We can also risk opening our minds to other ways of thinking and feeling that were not on our radar before. So we begin to see possible solutions and choices that we did not see before. This gives us choice. And when we have choice—when we see the big picture--we can choose where we prefer to focus (refocus). This is important because whatever we focus on will get us more of the same! Now, do we continue to focus on the problem or can we focus on the solution to the problem?

Freedom to focus on the solution liberates us to take action. We can do something to replace the problem and bring about the solution (replace/act).

THE FOUR KEY STEPS AND OUR BRAIN    Here is more good news. If we  take the four key steps mentioned above, we do something different.

   1. Recognize

    2. Interrupt/Let go

    3. Refocus

    4. Replace/act

We stop struggling to avoid or control problems inappropriately. We become problem-solvers instead of anxious or angry defensive self-protectors. Even better, we rewire our brains ! Now, the next time we are off balance, we are more likely to take the four steps and problem-solve when faced with difficulties.      

If you  feel confused or not ready to make these four steps part of your life, here's a resource for you. In her book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method, available on www.amazon.com, Dr. Beth Cujé, therapist gives you more information about the four steps and equips you with  tools to take the steps anytime, anywhere.

Also, here’s a chance to download the book’s first chapter for FREE. Just click here to learn more and find out what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you.

THE BEST WAY TO BE HONEST

Being Truthful Can Be Cruel      Being truthful can be cruel if the truth you are telling is not communicated with compassion. 

There is a saying that goes something like this: “If something is the truth, is necessary, but is mean… don’t say it”. 

Honesty and Compassion    Even though you feel you’ve got to let it rip, remember the best way to be honest is with compassion. Both flourish when there is balance, but one without the other can be destructive, even dangerous. 

This blend of honesty and compassion doesn’t come cheap. The price is self awareness and a certain self-transparency. Of course, no one can demand this of you. You alone decide just how much you want, and are able, to share about yourself or what you think of others. 

Transparency     You won’t achieve transparency in your relationships by leaving the other person “naked”. You have to risk getting “naked” yourself. Can you get out of defense mode and stop protecting yourself at all costs? Do you know and can you show both your strengths and weaknesses? 

You become transparent when you find your healthy real self, and this takes courage. Your false selves, “people pleaser,” “tough guy,” “martyr” to name a few, may have run your life for years. Exposing these false selves and leaving them behind is not for sissies, but necessary in order to find the best of who you are. 

Hope But No Expectations     However, even if you have courage and can risk being transparent, do not expect the same in return; not everyone is ready to be real. If you are reading this, you probably are one of the blessed ones who are ready to change their lives. 

So act from the best of who you are. Demand nothing but hope for the best. Your gift of honesty, compassion, and transparency may influence your friend, partner, sister, brother, mom, or dad… it may “hit” them in the right spot, and encourage them on their journey to their healthy real self. 

And we all do have a healthy real self. It may be underdeveloped or hidden, but that’s part of the challenge. When we learn to be honest with compassion for ourselves and others, we invest in that healthy part of us--the best of who we are and step by step we uncover our the person we were meant to be. 

Dr. Beth Cujé, therapist and author of the book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, gives you the chance to explore some of these ideas. Look inside the book at www.amazon.com or download its first chapter for FREE. Just click hereand get an idea of what the Choice-Cube Method can do for you.