Failure by Self-Sabotage

Dan lay flat on his back in the bed. The hotel room felt stuffy and hot, and he felt sick to his stomach. “How could I ever have done such a stupid thing? What was I thinking? he asked himself.  His short blond hair was flattened with sweat, but he just lay there and he kept asking himself “Why am I’m such a loser?”

Have you ever found that you failed because you did nothing at all or you did the opposite of what you needed to do? That’s what Dan did. Even with an IQ of 145 and genuine writing talent, his lack of discipline and fear of failure had once again caused him to sabotage himself!  Self-sabotage is when you act in opposition to what you are trying to accomplish.

There are lots of ways to sabotage ourselves. Dan’s problem was procrastination. Putting things off had caused him to lose more that one terrific opportunity, but this one was the worst. He had a great idea for a play, and some big spenders from Broadway were interested in backing him. But he couldn’t make himself complete the script. This evening, they met with him and made it clear that they were no longer interested in trying to work with him. That was the end of it! Once more he had dropped the ball. Unable to finish the script, the great ideas and smart dialogue had just rolled around in head until he dropped them. 

What about you? Perhaps you have started a project: writing a book, launching a new business, buying some investment property but then you became overwhelmed and piddled along until you let it drop. Or maybe you went gangbusters for a while--until you had a set back--then you quit. You freaked out or froze. You stopped dead in your tracks and never started again. 

 Why do people fail this way?  What keeps us from becoming the people we were meant to be and from getting where we want to go? 

 Maybe we have tremendous talent and ability, but still seem to have trouble succeeding. The reason? Call it what you will: procrastination, letting the ball drop, losing our vision, losing our focus, fear of failure or fear of success, they all lead to self-sabotage and all have one thing in common.  

Old wiring of neurons in our brain causes our subconscious mind to override our conscious desire and drive for success. We go on auto-pilot and do two things that past experiences have programmed into our subconscious. First, we may fail to focus and discipline ourselves: We rather play than work. Second, we may struggle with fear. This fear is often hidden, but it can cause us to do the opposite of what we need to do to succeed.  

The good news is that our brain is not fixed like our shoe size. Because of the brain’s plasticity it’s never too late to change. Also, some failure is a necessary step for success. It's often through failure that we learn from our mistakes. Of course, failure is not our focus, but failure is where we can learn and make changes. With proper guidance and training, our brain can rewire itself and take on new patterns of success. 

Why not start now to do something different and rewire your brain! My book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be–The Choice-Cube© Method,  http://amzn.to/ZGnDK can help you understand yourself This book shows how to use the practical tools and take the 4 steps of the Choice-Cube Method to manage your emotions and change your life. 

Are You A Three-Way-Mirror?

YOU are a three-way-mirror:  How you relate to yourself;  how you relate to others and the world in general; and how you relate to the world of spirit--the world you cannot see or touch.

Have you examined your mirrors lately? It might be a good idea to do just that. Why? Because what is in your three mirrors determines the quality and direction of your life. What is in your mirrors controls how much freedom, purpose, fulfillment, and life-satisfaction you are experiencing , have experienced, and will experience!

If how you relate to yourself--your intra-personal mirror--is limiting or distorted, if how you relate to others--your inter-personal mirror--is limiting or distorted, if how you relate to spirit--your trans-personal mirror--is limiting or distorted,   then  seeing who you really are, how wonderful you are, and what you are here on earth for becomes a very difficult task. 

But there is good news. You always have choice. It’s never too late to change what is in your mirrors. 

YOUR INTRA-PERSONAL MIRROR.          Let me give you an example of each mirror, starting with the first one--how you relate to yourself. Are you your own best friend or your worst enemy? Do you take responsibility for what you think, feel, want, and do? This is the only way to make lasting changes. Do you encourage yourself with honest feedback and compassion? Do you speak to yourself with understanding and love? Do you follow through on your dreams and desires?

Or are you critical and harsh with yourself? Do you feed yourself thoughts and pictures of fear, failure and inadequacy? Do you dwell on unrealistic pictures and dreams that you will never pursue?

YOUR INTER-PERSONAL MIRROR.          Here’s the second mirror--how you relate to others and the world in general. Do you share yourself with people who care for you and have your best interests at heart? Are you honest and compassionate with those you meet and those you are intimate with? Do you treat them the way you want to be treated? Do you speak the truth with kindness, seeking to resolve issues “win-win” (everyone feels they are getting a fair deal)?

Or, are you critical, judgmental, impatient and demanding with others? Do you use others for your pleasure and fail to have their best interests at heart? When there are issues, do you avoid dealing with them? Do you go along and agree just to avoid conflict? Do you try to control things by getting angry or pouting and withdrawing?

YOUR TRANS-PERSONAL MIRROR.          Here’s the third mirror--how you relate to the world that you cannot see or touch--the world of spirit.  Do you believe there is a power greater than yourself? Do you believe this power exists for your good? Perhaps you see it as non-caring and impersonal or even destructive.

It is beyond the scope of this article to discuss the three mirrors in depth. However, since what is in your three mirrors so influences your life, I invite you to take a few minutes to look at them. What do you see? What would you prefer to see? What changes do you need to make to get what you want? What’s the best way to do that?

One way to give yourself choice and make the mirror changes you desire can be found in my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be – The Choice-Cube^©Method: Step by Step to Choice and Change. Click here.  You can also check out this website to learn more about the method.

Understanding Self-Sabotage: Thief of Personal Growth

Would you like some input on what might be holding you back from succeeding? What about a practical resource that can help you naturally overcome any fear you have around failure. 

Have you ever found that you failed because did nothing at all or did the opposite of what you needed to do? If so, lack of discipline and fear of failure or even fear of success may have caused you to sabotaged yourself!  

Self-sabotage is when you act in opposition to what you are trying to accomplish.

Can you relate to the following ways of sabotaging yourself? What about "procrastination" or putting things off. Maybe you had a great idea but never even started to make it a reality. You never quite took action when you knew you should. Instead, you let the idea roll around in your head until you dropped it. 

Perhaps you did start something like writing a book or launching a new business, but then you became overwhelmed and piddled along until you let it drop. Or you went gangbusters for a while--until you had a set back--then you quit. You freaked out or froze. You stopped dead in your tracks and never started again. 

Why do people fail?  What keeps you from becoming the person you were meant to be and from getting where you want to go? 

Maybe you have tremendous talent and ability, but still seem to have trouble succeeding. The reason? Call it what you will: procrastination, letting the ball drop, losing your vision or your focus, fear of failure or fear of success, they all lead to self-sabotage and all have one thing in common.  

Old wiring of the neurons in your brain causes your subconscious mind to override your conscious desire for success. You go on auto-pilot and do two things that your past experiences have programmed into your subconscious mind.   

Firstly, you find it difficult to focus and discipline yourself. Perhaps you never learned how, or you rather play than work. Secondly, you may struggle with fear. This fear is often hidden, but it can cause you to do the opposite of what you need to do to succeed.  

The good news is that your brain is not fixed like your shoe size. Also, some failure is a necessary step for success. It's often through failure that you learn from your mistakes. Now, failure is not your focus, but failure is where you can learn and make progress.

With a proper guide and training, your brain can rewire itself and learn new patterns of success. Why not start now to do something different and rewire your brain! My book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be – The Choice-Cube© Method: Step by Step to Choice and Change     http://amzn.to/ZGnDKc         can help you understand yourself and give you tools and four key steps for dealing with fears and negative habit patterns. 

You Can Retrain Your Brain To Use Your Innate Talents and Strengths...Start Today!

THE BRAIN REWIRES ITSELF CONSTANTLY

Current brain research shows that your brain is capable of rewiring itself based on your experiences. Understanding this concept of “neuroplasticity” can give you hope that it’s never too late to change what you are experiencing. It’s never too late to discover your true identity as a gifted and healthy-best-real-self. It’s never too late to find a meaningful purpose for your life. 

DO YOU OPERATE FROM YOUR STRENGTHS?

LIke all humans, you will be the healthiest, joyful, and most successful when you operate from your unique area of giftedness. Failure to know and use your gifts forces you to function in a brain quadrant that is not your gift and requires greater expenditure of energy. PET scans show that your brain may need to work 100 times harder when you are using skills outside of your natural talents and strengths.

YOU'LL HAVE PROBLEMS IF YOU DON'T 

This is stressful and can lead to fatigue, a lowered immune system, and trouble with your memory as a result of stress related cortisol release. Often there is a tendency to isolate and self-medicate. Ignoring your areas of talent and your strengths can undermine your confidence, self-esteem, and sense of self-worth. It can hide away the best of who you are—your healthy-best-real-self. 

TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR HEALTHY-BEST-REAL-SELF

Your healthy-best-real-self is the authentic, honest, compas­sionate, and curious part of you that sees reality clearly and is a problem-solver. When you express your healthy self, you set good boundaries with others but can also be intimate. You strive for excellence, not as a perfectionist, but from your personal best. Your life reflects balance and joyfulness. You want to make a positive difference in the world.

WHY SUCH LOSSES?

You may have these two treasures of giftedness and a healthy-best-real-self buried under stress, fear, fatigue, pain, addiction, anxiety, and depression. Difficult circumstances and the struggles of life may have led to unwise choices so that now you feel stuck, unable to break free. Life may feel like a prison that robs you of your freedom and keeps you from discovering who you really are. 

Problems may have become the focus of your life. Perhaps you find yourself on a deadly merry-go-round where just getting through the day and overcoming problems have become your “purpose.” The danger is that focusing on problems and difficulties leads to more issues and to self-defeat. Remember, whatever you focus on gets you more of the same. It’s time to change your focus and become your own best friend instead of your your own worst enemy. 

A FIRST STEP

Consider finding a challenge and a meaningful purpose in life that flows from your innate talents and strengths and from the best of who you are—your healthy best real self. Yes, this may take effort, but think of this as short-term pain that leads to long-term gain. It’s never too late. 

Using the Choice-Cube Method for Choice and Change can help clear away blockages that hide your talents and strengths. You can discover your healthy, best-real-self.

Check out Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method: Step by Step to Choice and Change on Amazon http://amzn.to/n0ztzX, Barnes&Noble http://bit.ly/16F3Dhi,  and IndieBound http://bit.ly/ZoTPsk