Can A Leaky Heart Be Full Again?

Mom, you can't fill a leaky heart." my son said in a recent conversation. Humm, I knew "leaky" meant wounded and bleeding. I wondered, "Can such a heart ever be full again?"

Upon reflection, my answer is, " Yes.” We can fix our leaky hearts, if we are honest and compassionate with others and ourselves. Honesty and compassion are the healers.

Stopping the leak is rarely easy. We must be willing to forgive and to accept forgiveness. Also, being honest and compassionate with ourselves and others can be a huge challenge requiring time, courage, and humility. Rummaging around in old thoughts and feelings can hurt, really hurt until we finally let go of them.

But we can do it!

I admit to having a leaky heart, but it’s healing. Honesty and compassion are working for me. What about you? Would you like to give honesty and compassion a try?

I would love to hear from you.

Do You Have A "Focus Problem?"

Jack had a problem. Around forty-years-old, good-looking, smart, and capable, with a college degree in business, he couldn’t hold down a job. Oh, things would start out just fine. Then Jack would take offence at something or someone and the downward-slide would start. 

What was going on? Jack had a “focus problem.” Growing up, both his mom and dad expected him to be perfect. Jack learned to defend himself by focusing on their faults and taking offense at anything he thought was criticism. 

Now, as an adult, he had a bad habit. Without thinking, he automatically assumed people were critical of him. Then, to feel better about himself, he focused on their flaws and weaknesses and attacked. He knew just how to make somebody feel rotten. 

People who worked with Jack either avoided him or tried to get even. As a result, things at work became chaotic. Finally, though there was no problem with his work, the boss had to let him go. This scenario had played out several times. Still Jack didn’t realize that his negative focus on others was destroying his life. 

Like Jack, you may also have a negative focus. For example, you may live in a “what if… focus” that causes you to worry about everything all the time. Perhaps you focus on each little physical twinge and pain with fear of some serious disease. Or, instead of solving problems, do you focus on not having enough money… time…  energy? 

Your focus determines the direction and quality of your life. Where and what you focus on is where you will put your life-energy. Jack’s fear of criticism and his habit of trying to feel okay by putting others down was ruining his life.

Another way to say this is to talk about the “law of sowing and reaping.” Whether it’s corn or tulips, the seeds you plant determine the crop you get. In the same way, whatever you “put out there” will come back to you. 

You can learn to recognize your focus and choose what you focus on. Choose wisely because whatever you focus on, negative or positive, will come into your life. 

To learn more about choice, I invite you to look at the “Choice-Cube^® 4 Steps for Change” in my book Become the Person You Were Meant to Be. You will find lots of new ideas, and learn some tools to help you both find immediate relief and take the 4 Steps. Most importantly, using the tools and taking the Steps, you can learn to make important changes that will last. 

Are You A Three-Way-Mirror?

YOU are a three-way-mirror:  How you relate to yourself;  how you relate to others and the world in general; and how you relate to the world of spirit--the world you cannot see or touch.

Have you examined your mirrors lately? It might be a good idea to do just that. Why? Because what is in your three mirrors determines the quality and direction of your life. What is in your mirrors controls how much freedom, purpose, fulfillment, and life-satisfaction you are experiencing , have experienced, and will experience!

If how you relate to yourself--your intra-personal mirror--is limiting or distorted, if how you relate to others--your inter-personal mirror--is limiting or distorted, if how you relate to spirit--your trans-personal mirror--is limiting or distorted,   then  seeing who you really are, how wonderful you are, and what you are here on earth for becomes a very difficult task. 

But there is good news. You always have choice. It’s never too late to change what is in your mirrors. 

YOUR INTRA-PERSONAL MIRROR.          Let me give you an example of each mirror, starting with the first one--how you relate to yourself. Are you your own best friend or your worst enemy? Do you take responsibility for what you think, feel, want, and do? This is the only way to make lasting changes. Do you encourage yourself with honest feedback and compassion? Do you speak to yourself with understanding and love? Do you follow through on your dreams and desires?

Or are you critical and harsh with yourself? Do you feed yourself thoughts and pictures of fear, failure and inadequacy? Do you dwell on unrealistic pictures and dreams that you will never pursue?

YOUR INTER-PERSONAL MIRROR.          Here’s the second mirror--how you relate to others and the world in general. Do you share yourself with people who care for you and have your best interests at heart? Are you honest and compassionate with those you meet and those you are intimate with? Do you treat them the way you want to be treated? Do you speak the truth with kindness, seeking to resolve issues “win-win” (everyone feels they are getting a fair deal)?

Or, are you critical, judgmental, impatient and demanding with others? Do you use others for your pleasure and fail to have their best interests at heart? When there are issues, do you avoid dealing with them? Do you go along and agree just to avoid conflict? Do you try to control things by getting angry or pouting and withdrawing?

YOUR TRANS-PERSONAL MIRROR.          Here’s the third mirror--how you relate to the world that you cannot see or touch--the world of spirit.  Do you believe there is a power greater than yourself? Do you believe this power exists for your good? Perhaps you see it as non-caring and impersonal or even destructive.

It is beyond the scope of this article to discuss the three mirrors in depth. However, since what is in your three mirrors so influences your life, I invite you to take a few minutes to look at them. What do you see? What would you prefer to see? What changes do you need to make to get what you want? What’s the best way to do that?

One way to give yourself choice and make the mirror changes you desire can be found in my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be – The Choice-Cube^©Method: Step by Step to Choice and Change. Click here.  You can also check out this website to learn more about the method.