Failure by Self-Sabotage

Dan lay flat on his back in the bed. The hotel room felt stuffy and hot, and he felt sick to his stomach. “How could I ever have done such a stupid thing? What was I thinking? he asked himself.  His short blond hair was flattened with sweat, but he just lay there and he kept asking himself “Why am I’m such a loser?”

Have you ever found that you failed because you did nothing at all or you did the opposite of what you needed to do? That’s what Dan did. Even with an IQ of 145 and genuine writing talent, his lack of discipline and fear of failure had once again caused him to sabotage himself!  Self-sabotage is when you act in opposition to what you are trying to accomplish.

There are lots of ways to sabotage ourselves. Dan’s problem was procrastination. Putting things off had caused him to lose more that one terrific opportunity, but this one was the worst. He had a great idea for a play, and some big spenders from Broadway were interested in backing him. But he couldn’t make himself complete the script. This evening, they met with him and made it clear that they were no longer interested in trying to work with him. That was the end of it! Once more he had dropped the ball. Unable to finish the script, the great ideas and smart dialogue had just rolled around in head until he dropped them. 

What about you? Perhaps you have started a project: writing a book, launching a new business, buying some investment property but then you became overwhelmed and piddled along until you let it drop. Or maybe you went gangbusters for a while--until you had a set back--then you quit. You freaked out or froze. You stopped dead in your tracks and never started again. 

 Why do people fail this way?  What keeps us from becoming the people we were meant to be and from getting where we want to go? 

 Maybe we have tremendous talent and ability, but still seem to have trouble succeeding. The reason? Call it what you will: procrastination, letting the ball drop, losing our vision, losing our focus, fear of failure or fear of success, they all lead to self-sabotage and all have one thing in common.  

Old wiring of neurons in our brain causes our subconscious mind to override our conscious desire and drive for success. We go on auto-pilot and do two things that past experiences have programmed into our subconscious. First, we may fail to focus and discipline ourselves: We rather play than work. Second, we may struggle with fear. This fear is often hidden, but it can cause us to do the opposite of what we need to do to succeed.  

The good news is that our brain is not fixed like our shoe size. Because of the brain’s plasticity it’s never too late to change. Also, some failure is a necessary step for success. It's often through failure that we learn from our mistakes. Of course, failure is not our focus, but failure is where we can learn and make changes. With proper guidance and training, our brain can rewire itself and take on new patterns of success. 

Why not start now to do something different and rewire your brain! My book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be–The Choice-Cube© Method,  http://amzn.to/ZGnDK can help you understand yourself This book shows how to use the practical tools and take the 4 steps of the Choice-Cube Method to manage your emotions and change your life. 

This Video: Cousin To The Choice-Cube Method?

"My thinking was in a rut." laments our hero bike rider Destin in the video below. Ah, how true that can be!                                              

Destin had become used to riding his bike (thinking, feeling, acting) one way.                                                                                                It took him eight months of repeating the different way of bike riding before he saw a real change. 

Are there areas of your life where your "rutted thinking" causes you to think, feel, and act certain ways? Does change seem almost impossible?

You may have found that simply wanting to change, or even trying to change doesn't always work.

It's not so simple. As Destin says, " If you have a rigid way of thinking in your head, sometimes, you can't change that, even if you want to." 

So, like me, you may get impatient and want to stop trying. Perhaps you even beat yourself up, telling yourself what a failure you are because you don't change.

Well, here's good news and bad news. The good news first: You can change! And... if you change one part of the problem, you make changes to the whole system.

The bad news? When a way of thinking, feeling, and acting becomes a habit, it has become a "biological chain reaction." 

Hum, biological chain reaction? What's that? It's is a set of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that have become like connecting cross-country ski trails in your nervous system. Once you start on that trail, if you don't know how to interrupt it, you will follow it to the very end. The habit like a CD and you are the CD player

A habit or biological chain reaction is both physical and psychological. It's psychological because it affects your mind, will, and emotions, causing you to think, feel, and act the same ways over and over. It's physical because of the trails embedded in your nervous system.                                    

Once a set of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors is firmly established in your nervous system, you can no longer analyze or will yourself out of that habit.

You have acted yourself into a set of reactions and now, you will have to act yourself out of it, step by step, choice by choice.

To change, instead of repeating the same old reactions you will have to train yourself to do something different each time something triggers those old thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.. 

If you want to understand this better, take a look at Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, especially Chapter 6 on changing behaviors. The book also offers the Choice-Cube Method as a way to actually make changes, get unstuck, and move toward  becoming the person you were meant to be.

Understanding Self-Sabotage: Thief of Personal Growth

Would you like some input on what might be holding you back from succeeding? What about a practical resource that can help you naturally overcome any fear you have around failure. 

Have you ever found that you failed because did nothing at all or did the opposite of what you needed to do? If so, lack of discipline and fear of failure or even fear of success may have caused you to sabotaged yourself!  

Self-sabotage is when you act in opposition to what you are trying to accomplish.

Can you relate to the following ways of sabotaging yourself? What about "procrastination" or putting things off. Maybe you had a great idea but never even started to make it a reality. You never quite took action when you knew you should. Instead, you let the idea roll around in your head until you dropped it. 

Perhaps you did start something like writing a book or launching a new business, but then you became overwhelmed and piddled along until you let it drop. Or you went gangbusters for a while--until you had a set back--then you quit. You freaked out or froze. You stopped dead in your tracks and never started again. 

Why do people fail?  What keeps you from becoming the person you were meant to be and from getting where you want to go? 

Maybe you have tremendous talent and ability, but still seem to have trouble succeeding. The reason? Call it what you will: procrastination, letting the ball drop, losing your vision or your focus, fear of failure or fear of success, they all lead to self-sabotage and all have one thing in common.  

Old wiring of the neurons in your brain causes your subconscious mind to override your conscious desire for success. You go on auto-pilot and do two things that your past experiences have programmed into your subconscious mind.   

Firstly, you find it difficult to focus and discipline yourself. Perhaps you never learned how, or you rather play than work. Secondly, you may struggle with fear. This fear is often hidden, but it can cause you to do the opposite of what you need to do to succeed.  

The good news is that your brain is not fixed like your shoe size. Also, some failure is a necessary step for success. It's often through failure that you learn from your mistakes. Now, failure is not your focus, but failure is where you can learn and make progress.

With a proper guide and training, your brain can rewire itself and learn new patterns of success. Why not start now to do something different and rewire your brain! My book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be – The Choice-Cube© Method: Step by Step to Choice and Change     http://amzn.to/ZGnDKc         can help you understand yourself and give you tools and four key steps for dealing with fears and negative habit patterns. 

You Can Retrain Your Brain To Use Your Innate Talents and Strengths...Start Today!

THE BRAIN REWIRES ITSELF CONSTANTLY

Current brain research shows that your brain is capable of rewiring itself based on your experiences. Understanding this concept of “neuroplasticity” can give you hope that it’s never too late to change what you are experiencing. It’s never too late to discover your true identity as a gifted and healthy-best-real-self. It’s never too late to find a meaningful purpose for your life. 

DO YOU OPERATE FROM YOUR STRENGTHS?

LIke all humans, you will be the healthiest, joyful, and most successful when you operate from your unique area of giftedness. Failure to know and use your gifts forces you to function in a brain quadrant that is not your gift and requires greater expenditure of energy. PET scans show that your brain may need to work 100 times harder when you are using skills outside of your natural talents and strengths.

YOU'LL HAVE PROBLEMS IF YOU DON'T 

This is stressful and can lead to fatigue, a lowered immune system, and trouble with your memory as a result of stress related cortisol release. Often there is a tendency to isolate and self-medicate. Ignoring your areas of talent and your strengths can undermine your confidence, self-esteem, and sense of self-worth. It can hide away the best of who you are—your healthy-best-real-self. 

TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR HEALTHY-BEST-REAL-SELF

Your healthy-best-real-self is the authentic, honest, compas­sionate, and curious part of you that sees reality clearly and is a problem-solver. When you express your healthy self, you set good boundaries with others but can also be intimate. You strive for excellence, not as a perfectionist, but from your personal best. Your life reflects balance and joyfulness. You want to make a positive difference in the world.

WHY SUCH LOSSES?

You may have these two treasures of giftedness and a healthy-best-real-self buried under stress, fear, fatigue, pain, addiction, anxiety, and depression. Difficult circumstances and the struggles of life may have led to unwise choices so that now you feel stuck, unable to break free. Life may feel like a prison that robs you of your freedom and keeps you from discovering who you really are. 

Problems may have become the focus of your life. Perhaps you find yourself on a deadly merry-go-round where just getting through the day and overcoming problems have become your “purpose.” The danger is that focusing on problems and difficulties leads to more issues and to self-defeat. Remember, whatever you focus on gets you more of the same. It’s time to change your focus and become your own best friend instead of your your own worst enemy. 

A FIRST STEP

Consider finding a challenge and a meaningful purpose in life that flows from your innate talents and strengths and from the best of who you are—your healthy best real self. Yes, this may take effort, but think of this as short-term pain that leads to long-term gain. It’s never too late. 

Using the Choice-Cube Method for Choice and Change can help clear away blockages that hide your talents and strengths. You can discover your healthy, best-real-self.

Check out Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method: Step by Step to Choice and Change on Amazon http://amzn.to/n0ztzX, Barnes&Noble http://bit.ly/16F3Dhi,  and IndieBound http://bit.ly/ZoTPsk