Envy or Jealousy -- What's The Difference?

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Envy or Jealous -- What's the difference?

 I think the answer to this question is simple enough. 

  • Envy is wanting what another has. 
  • Jealousy is wanting what another has plus wanting them not to have it. 
  • Both envy and jealousy contain various emotions.

Envy has Craving/lust for what the other has. There may be a negtive Pride that always wants to be the best. Perhaps there's some sadness (Grief) that one doesn't have what the other has. But Jealousy. . .

Ah, jealousy, is less benign. It shares envy's emotions of Craving/lust, Pride, and Grief. But jealousy also contains resentment--Anger--and possibly Shame that one does not have what the other has.

Both envy and jealousy are made up of various emotions we would do well to get rid of right away! 

There' always more to learn and overcome, isn't there. 

You might check out my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - the Choice-Cube Method: Step by Step to Choice and Change. This book can help you understand yourself and give you tools and four simple steps to help you make the changes in your life and relationships that you want to make.

 

Struggling in a Relationship?

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Are you struggling with your feelings and behaviors in a current love relationship?  Don't be surprised.This often happens when we make a deeper commitment such as monogamous sex, living  together, getting engaged or married. 

With new changes, old childhood desires for unconditional love and support may awaken. Unhealthy defenses may surface. We may inappropriately try to avoid or control issues. Or we may connect with hidden needs for love and understanding,  stirring up fantasies and unrealistic expectations of finally having them met.  

When our partner fails to meet our expectations, we  may unconsciously think and act in ways that destroy the relationship or deeply  undermine it.

TWO STEPS TO HOPE  Is there hope? Indeed there is. Honesty about ourselves is the first step. We must take responsibilty for what we think, feel, and do. We can check to see whether we are caught in the "victim-victimizer swing" and do something aabout that. (See my book or earlier post)

The second step is to speak the truth with kindness. When need to admit to ourselves and to our partner that we are acting like victims or vicitmizers. We are trying to protect ourselves or get what we want.

This requires courage, but creates choice. We can continue as defensive self-protectors. Or we can choose instead to be problem-solvers. This means setting  healthy boundaries and being real about who we are and what we want. 

Seeing our partner as our teacher can be helpful.

This blog can start us on a journey of self-understanding in relationships. Finding the resources within ourselves to win this  struggle, however,  is  both a moment-by-moment and a life-time journey.   I challenge you to begin your personal journey. You have everything to gain  and nothing to lose. Check out my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be. It can help you understand yourself and others and give you tools for change.

Intelligence Is Overrated: What You Really Need To Succeed (adapted)

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Keld Jensen, Contributor

Albert Einstein’s IQ was estimated at 160, Madonna’s is 140, and John F. Kennedy’s was only 119

IQ tests measure logical reasoning ability and technical intelligence.

BUT. . . .only 15% of your financial success and professional achievement is due to your IQ. 85% is due to your personality and ability to communicate, negotiate, and lead. 

EQ, MQ, and BQ scores are as important as IQ scores in predicting success and professional achievement.

You should strengthen your:

  • ·      EQ  = Emotional Intelligence
  • ·      MQ = Moral Intelligence
  • ·      BQ =  Body Intelligence

Their significance is far greater than IQ.

 

1. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

EQ is about staying aware of your own feelings and those of others.

  • · Regulating your feelings and other people's feelings     
  • · Expressing emotions that are appropriate to the situation     
  • · Self-motivation    
  • · Building relationships    

 

Top Tip for Improvement: First, become aware of your inner dialogue. (the Victim-Victimizer talk in your head) It helps to keep a journal of what thoughts fill your mind during the day. Stress can be a huge killer of emotional intelligence, so you also need to develop healthy coping techniques that can effectively and quickly reduce stress in a volatile situation.

2. MORAL INTELLIGENCE

MQ deals with your integrity, responsibility, sympathy, and forgiveness. The way you treat yourself is the way other people will treat you.

  • ·      Keeping commitments
  • ·      Maintaining your integrity
  • ·      Being honest

Top Tip for Improvement: Make fewer excuses and take responsibility for your actions. Avoid little white lies. Show sympathy and communicate respect to others. Practice acceptance and show tolerance of other people’s shortcomings. Forgiveness is not just about how we relate to others; it’s also how you relate to and feel about yourself.

3. BODY INTELLIGENCE

BQ, or body intelligence, reflects what you know about your body, how you feel about it, and take care of it. Your body is constantly telling you things;

  • ·      Do you listen to your body signals or ignore them?
  • ·      Are you eating energy-giving or energy-draining?
  • ·      Are you getting enough rest?
  • ·      Do you exercise and take care of your body?

Your body intelligence absolutely affects your work because it largely determines your feelings, thoughts, self-confidence, state of mind, and energy level.

Top Tip For Improvement: At least once a day, listen to the messages your body is sending you about your health. Actively monitor these signals instead of going on autopilot. Good nutrition, regular exercise, and adequate rest are all key aspects of having a high BQ. Monitoring your weight, practicing moderation with alcohol, and making sure you have down time can dramatically benefit the functioning of your brain and the way you perform at work.

WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO SUCCEED

It doesn’t matter if you did not receive the best academic training from a top university. A person with less education who has fully developed their EQ, MQ, and BQ can be far more successful than a person with an impressive education who falls short in these other categories.

Yes, it is certainly good to be an intelligent, rational thinker and have a high IQ; this is an important asset. But you must realize that it is not enough. Your IQ will help you personally, but EQ, MQ, and BQ will benefit everyone around you as well. If you can master the complexities of these unique and often under-rated forms of intelligence, research tells us you will achieve greater success and be regarded as more professionally competent and capable.

WHICH TYPE OF INTELLIGENCE IS MOST IMPORTANT TO SUCCESS?

Emotional Intelligence - Being aware of your own feelings and those of others, regulating these feelings in yourself and others, using emotions that are appropriate to the situation, self-motivation, and building relationships.

Moral Intelligence - Integrity, responsibility, sympathy and forgiveness.

Body Intelligence - Your body intelligence largely determines your feelings, thoughts, self-confidence, state of mind, and energy level.

 

Emotional Intelligence, Moral Intelligence and Body Intelligence are all equally important.

Negative Emotions: The True Story

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Negative emotions are normal. A daily part of life, they warn and often protect us. But negative emotions can also be dangerous and destructive. The difference depends on how long we allow them to hang around. 

NEGATIVE EMOTIONS: FRIEND OR FOE?    A negative emotion can warn a child to avoid a stranger. But if that child fails to understand his fear and begins to automatically fear anyone who is different, well, that’s another matter. Then fear is no longer a friend but an enemy. Failure to understand and let go of a negative emotion is the problem, not the emotion itself.

5 WAYS NEGATIVE EMOTIONS CAN HURT US     Negative emotions we hold onto hurt us in five major ways. First, they use up energy. Second, they lock in painful and distorted thoughts and mental pictures. Third, they can lead to unhelpful behaviors. Fourth, they keep us in conflict. Fifth, they can lower our immune system and our ability to fight off disease. As Woody Allen implied in a film, he didn't deal with his feelings, he stuffed them and grew a tumor instead.

WHAT TO DO?    What’s the answer? Simple enough. We must stay aware of our negative emotions, acknowledge them, and let go of them safely and appropriately. By "safely and appropriately" I mean without playing the victim or deliberately hurting others. This is a learned skill. We can train ourselves to do this.

I have been a counselor/therapist in private practice for twenty plus years, taught graduate students at George Washington University, and recently published my first book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be - The Choice-Cube Method http://amzn.to/uHGKQ5I would love to share with you what I have learned about the skill of managing negative emotions. Visit my website www.choicecube.com.