4 Proven Steps For Change

Hank was frustrated! He knew he should work things out with Franny, but he was so tired of arguing that he just did not want to make the effort. Trying to work things out with her seemed impossible. What about you? Has life ever seemed a battle between what you knew you should do and what you were willing to do? Have you ever felt you were losing the battle and that there was no way to resolve an issue? 

ONLY THREE CHOICES    The truth is that in every situation you have only three kinds of choices. And everything depends on the choice you make. You can try to avoid an issue. That's what Hank was doing. You can try to control it (use anger or try harder with no good results) or change and successfully resolve it.

It’s only natural to want to avoid or control an issue. Who wants to tangle with a snarling dog? But trying to avoid or control a snarling boss can lead to bigger and nastier problems. Problems start when we fail to resolve issues and get stuck trying to avoid or control them inappropriately.

Here's a important thought. With each choice we make, we program ourselves!

4 SIMPLE STEPS FOR CHANGE     If we choose to take responsibility for what we think, feel, want, and do, we begin to change the only thing we can change. . .ourselves. Let's look at the following 4 steps that can help us make important changes and solve problems.          

STEP 1:  We recognize when, instead of wanting to resolve an issue win-win, we try to avoid it (go shopping, dump on a friend, just give up) or control it (be right, no compromise).

STEP 2:  We manage our stress and express our emotions appropriately.

STEP 3:  We think more clearly now because we have dealt with out stress and negative emotions. Now, we can see the pros and cons of the situation and focus on finding a solution to the problem instead of focusing on the problem itself.

STEP 4:   We do something different and take honest, compassionate action.

THE CHOICE-CUBE METHOD CAN HELP    You may want to look at the Choice-Cube Method’s tools and 4 key steps as one way to make wise choices and changes. The method is found in my book, Become the Person You Were Meant To Be - The Choice-Cube Method:  Step by Step to Choice and Change. Click here to see inside the book. 

From Victim-Victimizer to Psychologically Healthy to Spiritually Awake

From Victim-Victimizer To Psychologically Healthy To Spiritually Awake

Do you realize that you are on a life-time journey from shadow to light. Daily, even moment-to-moment, this journey challenges you to become the best you can be---the person you were meant to be. 

On this “journey of life,” there are tasks along the way.  Check yourself. First, do you react to life as a victim or victimizer? As victims we see others as trying to fix, hurt, or control us. As victimizers, we seek to fix, hurt, or control others.

Sometimes we get stuck as we swing between the two. 

Next task? Your challenge it to become psychologically healthy. You have learned to stay out of the victim-victimizer swing. You no longer try to inappropriately avoid problems or to control them by blaming and criticizing others. Now, are you willing to take full responsibility for what you think, feel, and do? Are you willing to look for the truth—see the big picture with compassion--as a way to resolve problems? Do you believe that honesty and kindness are necessary for win-win problem-solving? 

If yes, now you can you focus on changing the one 
person you can change, yourself! 

On your journey, you have left the victim-victimizer swing behind. You have become increasingly psychologically healthy and empowered. You have made it this far, you're doing great! Here's a final step. Are you ready to recognize that you are more than a body, emotions, thoughts, and desires. Are you ready and willing to awaken spiritually and find God, the "Divine," or your Higher Power--a power greater than yourself? 

On this last part of your journey, there is great promise. Regardless of your ups and downs, losses and gains, you can increasingly live in the light and become the person you were meant to be. Perhaps my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, could help you on your journey. Click here to see inside the book. 

Body? Emotions? What Are They Telling Us?

OUR BODY SPEAKS TO US    As a therapist/counselor, more and more I am struck by the importance of the body. A stiff neck can tells us that we slept in an awkward position. In the same way, a body pain may be telling us we have painful emotions that we are failing to deal with, and that something is wrong.

BUT WE DON'T LISTEN     Many of us miss what our body is trying to tell us. We have learned to split off from our body's messages about stress and hurtful emotions. Why? Why would we ignore important messages whether physical or emotional? Because they can hurt! And who wants to have discomfort or pain?

THERE'S A PRICE TO PAY     But we pay a high price for ignoring what our body and emotions try to say to us. Unless we acknowledge that something is wrong, how can we  fix it? 

THIS MIGHT HELP     Of course it helps to have a tried and true way to deal with our feelings, physical or emotional. The simple tools and steps in my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, The Choice-Cube Method: Step by Step to Choice and Change www.amazon.com can help.

                                                                                                                                                               In the book, I discuss the dangers of failing to pay attention to physical and emotional messages. I help you understand how important it is to have choice and make necessary changes. Take a look at the book; it could make a big difference

Trying Hard To Stay Cool, Calm And Collected

Trying hard to stay calm, cool and collected!    This recent status report on Facebook caught my attention. In our super busy world, this statement sums up what many of us are trying to do, much of the time.

BODY   We try to stay calm, cool and collected and control stress in our body (tense shoulders, teeth grinding, sweating, and shallow breathing). But often, we fail to manage our stress because we don't know how. Or we ignore and avoid what our body tells us.

EMOTIONS     We may try, but find it impossible to control, negative emotions such as fear, anger, shame, and feeling overwhelmed. "I shouldn't feel this way." Perhaps we try to avoid them by distracting ourselves. Or we may avoid them as we block or ignore them. Going numb is a symptom of avoidance. 

MIND  - WILL   We often do the same things with unacceptable thoughts and desires. We try to control them and figure them out. Or try to avoid them as we distract ourselves or go numb. 

THEY DON'T JUST DISAPPEAR   Whether we try to avoid or control these reactions, we don't take responsibility for them. And so we fail to deal with them constructively. Does that settle the matter? Oh no. Those messages from our bodies, emotions, or minds go underground—into our subconscious. And there they stay until they gather enough power to resurface, or until circumstances force them into our awareness. 

A LOSE-LOSE SITUATION   So we create a lose-lose conflict. It I let it all hang out, I lose. I hurt people or make a fool of myself. But if I mindlessly and automatically try to avoid or control my thoughts, feelings and desires, I also lose because I don’t really resolve them. What’s a person to do? 

Good question. You can’t fix something if you are not aware of it. So why not allow yourself to think what you think, feel what you feel, want what you want? Willingness to stay aware gets you off auto-pilot. Now, you can take responsibiity for your reactions and make healthy changes.

TRY THE CHOICE-CUBE METHOD   The simple Choice-Cube self-help method www.amazon.com can help you manage your body, thoughts, emotions, and desires. Here's how.

First, the method gives you a mental framework to help you stay in touch with what you feel think, and want. Second, there are simple tools to help you do what’s best for you and for those you care for. Third, there are four key steps to guide your change, in a rliable, systematic way, from inappropriate defensiveness to healthy problem-solving.

Using this method, you learn to feel, think, and want without having to act on it. Instead, you learn to use the framework, tools, and steps to make important changes and take the best course of action. You become your own BFF—best friend forever--and relate in a healthy way to those you care for. 

We Reap What We Sow. Like Gravity, It's A Law

Ignoring the laws of the universe can lead to unfortunate results. Take for example the law of gravity. If we jump off a ten-story building, we’re dead. Rather unfortunate. 

The law of sowing and reaping may seem less concrete, but it is just as real! Ignoring this law can also lead to disastrous results. For example, when we sow seeds of dishonesty and toxic thoughts, words, and actions; we get a sickly harvest. If we constantly lie or rage, our relationships sour. Everyone gets hurt—a troublesome crop wouldn't you say?

In contrast, like the gardener who plants good seeds, when we plant seeds of honesty and kind thoughts, words, and actions, we learn to trust ourselves and others can trust us. Such a harvest satisfies and blesses us and others. 

PLANTING GOOD SEED DEMANDS EFFORT   Life often seems a battle between what we want to do and what we need to do. Planting good seeds takes effort and discipline--perserverence. At times, staying honest and kind may even seem impossible. We may feel we are losing the battle. But every choice matters.

OUR THREE CHOICES    Everything depends on our choices. And really, we have only three kinds of choices.We can try to inappropriately avoid issues, control them, or successfully resolve them.

FOUR STEPS TO A GOOD HARVEST   Here are four steps to help us solve  problems and sow good seed. When we perserver we will reap a rich, satisfying harvest.          

Step 1: We recognize we are planting bad seed.
Step 2: We manage our stress and our emotions.
Step 3: We think more clearly now and see the pros                                                                                          and cons of the situation. We can focus
              on the solution instead of on the problem.
Step 4: We take honest, compassionate action.

THE CHOICE-CUBE METHOD CAN HELP    With each step we take, each choice we make, we program ourselves. The good news is that we can use the Choice-Cube Method’s tools and four key steps to make wise choices.

We can stop planting bad seed. Good!  

We can face reality, work through short-term loss or pain, and plant good seeds.  Better!  

We can make healthy choices and program ourselves for long-term gain. Best!

What about you? What kind of crops are you sowing? Reaping?  The Choice-Cube Method presented in my book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, can help you sow good seed.